Whether you’re on a first date or at a party, knowing your wines is one of the most impressive things you can do to make yourself stand out. You don’t even like wine? No problem, you can really easily fake knowing all about the stuff without putting too much effort in.
Why Even Do It?
If you’re wondering why you should even try to sound like a wine expert when you meet a hot woman, then worry no more. The whole deal here is trying to impress her, right? Well you’re sort of on an impromptu interview with a future sexual employer. If you’re applying for the job you want to sound the part and it’s the same thing with a woman. People often exaggerate the truth in their interviews for work, and there’s no harm in doing the same for this one.
Keep Your Cool
Before you even look at a wine list or menu, ask the woman if she likes wine. She may not, in which case you can just drop the subject. If she says yes, don’t look so eager to show off your skills. Simply ask if she prefers red or white. It’s a simple question and will do part of the legwork for you. The choice is yours, she says. Well then, in that case pick a white wine. White wines are served cold and tend to be a bit sweeter than reds. They’re also a lot easier to fake liking as you drink them. Pinot Grigio is a simple white wine that’s easy to pronounce (pee-no gree-joe). When you’re ordering you’re going to lose absolutely any ounce of believability if you stumble over the name and winery of the wine you’re ordering. So keep it simple, make sure you can say everything, and don’t pick something at either end of the price range. You don’t actually care for this wine so don’t waste too much money on it, but on the other hand you don’t want to be drinking complete shit. For a red, stick to the same ordering rules, but get a Pinot Noir (pee-no no-arr).
The First Steps
Now that you’ve ordered your wine, you have to keep the cool going once it comes to the table. The waiter or waitress will show you the label and pour a small amount in your glass. Don’t panic, it’s okay. This is your time to shine. Handle the glass only by the stem, or the long skinny part under where the wine is held, and swirl it gently before you stick your nose in the glass and take a polite whiff. Then you get to sip. No matter what you think of the wine, smile and nod approvingly. This should hopefully be the end.
But If It’s Not…
If your date wants to talk about the wine you’ve ordered, always make sure to talk about it like politics. Detached, vague, and with carefully chosen words. Try saying things like “balanced” and “clean” when referring to your drink.